A college of mine who is also an excellent writer shares his experiences and thoughts to help others achieve happiness and live your own “Thrive Life”. From humorous to insightful look on life, goals and achieving your own happiness. Check out his blog for some insightful and warming thoughts on life.
After much consideration, and thought I have decided to close my office in Andalusia Alabama. This was not an easy decision but one which is necessary for me to begin a new chapter in my life. I will be relocating and though I have very much enjoyed being a part of this community for over 20 years, it is now time for me to move forward. To all my referrals and families, thank you for your support.
As I begin this new chapter and strive to reach my own new goals I leave you with this:
Good article on helping your children to develop social skills. Unfortunately, we are not born with social skills and they have to be taught and developed. We need to all work with our children (and sometimes ourselves) in improving our skills.
Originally posted on Lavelda Naylor LMFTA:
A number of studies in recent decades have shown that appearance, personality type and ability impact on a child’s popularity at school. Good-looking, easy-going, talented kids usually win peer popularity polls but that doesn’t necessarily guarantee they will have friends. Those children and young people who develop strong friendships have a definite set of skills that help make them easy to like, easy to relate to and easy to play with.
1. Ability to share possessions and space
2. Keeping confidences and secrets
3. Offering to help
4. Accepting other’s mistakes
5. Being positive and enthusiastic
6. Starting a conversation
7. Winning and losing well
8. Listening to others
9. Starting and maintaining a conversation
10. Ignoring someone who is annoying you
11. Cooperating with others
12. Giving and receiving compliments
All parents want their children to tell the truth. When our children lie to us, as parents, we often take it personally. We worry that the behavior will become a pattern to be repeated again and again. It often angers or frustrates parents. Parents begin to worry if they can trust their child. When children lie parents often wonder “why?” Often, parents will try to get the child to tell the truth. As parents, why do we do this? Do we think that by getting them to tell the truth will prevent future lies? Do we think that the same thing won’t happen again?
First of all, lets look at the reason’s why a child may lie:
- To avoid possible punishment. Who wants to get in trouble?
- To get attention. Some children learn that the more great and exciting the lie is, the more attention they seem to get.
- To gain control over a situation. ”He started it!”
What can a parent do about it? First of all, as a parent, look into your own behavior. Remember that time you were in a hurry to get one child to their soccer game, another to gymnastics? You might have been speeding a bit, or maybe you didn’t stop completely at that stop sign. It may also be that you have known all week that one of your tail lights is out but you just haven’t had time to get it fixed this week due to the normal day to day activities of home, work, and family. You’ve talked about that burned out tail light with your spouse. Your children have heard and know it’s out and that it needs to be fixed. Do your children really care that it needs to be fixed? Nope. In their world, it doesn’t really effect them. Speeding? Depending on the child’s age, they are looking at the speed only because in their world they see those speed limit signs. Hum, that must be a “rule” they think. But your going over the “limit”. Of course, it’s probably only 5 MPH, or maybe only a little more over the limit. They don’t know the difference. A rule is a rule. That stop sign you didn’t stop fully at? There is another “rule” to a small child who is learning that rules at home and school must be followed. Haven’t they been told to follow the rules?
As parents aren’t we constantly teaching our children “right from wrong”? But, now, you have been pulled over for that same tail light that you’ve known all week needs fixed. Or, your in a hurry, being that good parent that you are and trying to get everyone where they need to be on time so your speeding.
You tell the officer that you didn’t know the light was out but will take care of it as soon as possible. Do you have intentions of getting it fixed? Sure you do! In your mind your going to take care of it tomorrow because you’ve been stopped and know it needs to be done. Your even chastising yourself because it hadn’t already been taken care of. But you’ve just told the officer that you didn’t realize it was out. Maybe you were pulled over for speeding. You tell the officer you didn’t realize you were speeding, apologize and tell him you’ll slow down. The officer gives you a warning, tells you to slow down. Back on the road again, you realize that you still have to get everyone to their practices on time, now running more late……back to 5 or 6 miles over the speed limit. Little ears in the back seat….. always learning.
How to deal with lies: First, question the child about the situation. Do this once. You then make a decision as to whether or not you are going to accept the child’s explanation. Don’t continue to badger the child about what the truth is. If there is a fair probability that the child is telling the truth, then take it as such and drop the issue. If you know it’s not the truth then explain why you feel that way and punish the behavior which was lied about in the first place. Don’t harp on the lie. An example would be that if they broke something because they were playing rough in the house. You simply tell them that you know they were playing rough, the end table wasn’t broke before that time and is now, so the item will have to be replaced, and they will need to work to help pay for part of the cost. If you call the child a liar they will become defensive. They will think, “I’m already accused of it so I might as well keep telling the lie”.
Oh, and the next time an officer pulls you over for speeding…. fess up. If he gives you a ticket, deal with it. If he doesn’t give you a ticket and only a warning you just taught the child the value of telling the truth.
Some good advice on parenting your children for divorced or separated parents
Originally posted on About The Children, LLC's Blog:
Talking With Your Ex
It is possible to have a healthy relationship with your ex after you guys split up. A common stereotype in our country is that we have to be enemies with our ex’s. This creates a lot of trouble for parents who are split up and sharing custody of their children or fighting between each other in court over who gets custody and who doesn’t. Move past these ideas of how you should be acting towards your ex wife or husband. Should is a word that, ironic enough as it is to say, shouldn’t be thrown around lightly. However, having a decent working relationship with the other parent of your child can be beneficial to you as well as your child. Sometimes this isn’t possible and this isn’t a perfect world. But if you share custody of your children, it is in your best interests as well as your child’s to maintain a solid working relationship so decisions can be made and custody can be shared without any major blow ups. Not sure how to go about this or looking for extra tips or advice? Here are a few things to think about, write down or implement in your daily life:
- Living Close To Each Other. If you live close to your ex husband or ex wife, this can be easier or harder depending on how your separation went. If there is bad blood between you two, and you live in the same neighborhood, it’s not uncommon for things to get ugly real quick. If you harbor negative feelings towards your ex, think about how you exhibit these feelings. Do you badmouth the kid’s mother or father in front of the children? Did you lose some friends through the divorce? These are all things that need to be put behind you, at least in terms of interacting with your child and the other parent. Children perceive way more than people think they do and as such, pick up on negative vibes from their parents. Having a good working relationship with your ex while you share custody takes a lot of pressure off of your child.
- Money Issues. A lot of divorced parents out there, and this is especially true for mothers, have constant problems with child support. Money can plant bad seeds in a relationship and can ruin any civility that has been established. If you’re a father or mother paying child support, it’s crucial to be up on your payments. You hear stories about people getting behind on their payments and having their wages garnished or penalties enforced by the court all the time. Not allowing this to become an issue relieves a lot of stress in situations like this.
The main thing to remember is to remain in constant contact with your ex. Nobody is a mind read; if you don’t bring up an issue you are having, in a rational and constructive way, then it’s not going to get solved. If you’re not getting enough money from your child’s father for school clothes or medication, bring it up. It’s unfortunate to have to go back to court over an issue like this when it can easily be solved by talking about it. Talking to your ex about who is picking up who or where you are going to meet if you guys meet halfway to exchange the child on weekends adds to this working relationship we’re talking about here. Do what you have to do to make sure things run smoothly.
Thank you prodigal daughter for nominating Child’s Play Counseling Services for the Beautiful Blogger Award and Most Inspiring Award. I’m very honored and excited. Thank you!
“Awards are helpful and a great way to meet new bloggers and expand your circle. I received two separate awards but I am going to combine and give two awards at the same time (see nominees below) by blogging about them here.” Writes Prodigal Daughter. I agree!
Here are the rules of the award:
1 . Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you.
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 7-15 bloggers for this award.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.
Things about myself:
- My children and I used to play a game called “stump mamma” (with music). Sort of like “name that tune”. It was fun, and they seemed to always be amazed that I knew the names of all the music.
- I loved watching the TV show Monk.
- I don’t like to cook. Takes too much time. I can, just don’t always like too.
- I love 30 minute mindless Sitcoms on TV when I have a chance. They are funny and it’s a time I can laugh and not think about anything stressful.
- My three boys are now grown. That in itself is sad to me at times.
- I love my job.
- I hate trying to find 7 things about myself!
The blogs that I find Inspiring and Beautiful:
Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.
Johann Wolfganv Von Geothe