Tips for adults with ADHD

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Children are not the only ones who can have ADHD.  Lots of adults live with the symptoms and never get an “official” diagnosis. One of the biggest issues adults (even those without  ADHD) have is disorganization.  Disorganization stresses people out, makes them feel frustrated and often feel scattered.  If you’re an adult and think you might be ADHD this article has some very helpful ways of helping yourself stay focused and organized.  Hummmmm, now where did I put those boxes???

http://psychcentral.com/lib/12-tips-for-getting-organized-for-adults-with-adhd/

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It’s only a few weeks into the summer and your already hearing “I’m bored!” from your kids!

You know I’m a big advocate of play. I ran across this today when looking for things parents can do with kids over the summer. I know lots of this isn’t new to most parents but sometimes reminders help to get the creativity going. Maybe you have something else you’ll come up with. Spending the time together and enjoying it is the key. And remember that things don’t have to be “perfect” . Creativity fosters mental grown in children and offers opportunities for us to show our individuality. Your child will love doing an activity with you and hey, you’ll have fun too. Everyone needs to play!

http://innerchildfun.com/2012/05/10-simple-ideas-for-summer-fun-with-your-kids.html

summer time

summer time

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Child Psychology Facts Teachers Have to Read – re posted from The Thrive Life

This article written by a very good colleague of mine and excellent counselor, helps to understand that the  knowledge that ALL behavior both from children and adults is totally goal directed and the most crucial aspect for changing negative behavior.  The key to understanding the goal lies in the way you, as a parent or teacher react.  Read the article to see if you can identify your child’s goal the last time they acted out in some negative way and how you can change the behavior.

http://thethrivelife.org/?p=508

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Are you role modeling safety for your children?

We’ve all seen them.  Those little family stickers every mom and dad like to put on their vehicles to show their pride in their family.  From stickers of all the family members right down to the pets.  Want to get more creative and show your pride in your child’s sports? school? other activities?  You can get a sticker for that too.   I’m glad my children were grown by the time these things all hit the market because I would have been right along with the crowd putting the family of stick figures on my car along with the sports they played.   Now officials are warning that their use can put your family in danger. We live in a transparent world these days.  You can probably see most everything your neighbor, family and friends are doing these day’s simply by opening up any of your social media accounts.  “On the way to work”, “at the gym”, “graduation night”, pictures of the grandchild visiting, or your vacation shots as your on vacation, and so on and so on.   All your activity online for your “friends” to see.   We’ve all been warned of the dangers about sharing personal information and knowing who your “friends” online really are.  Yet, do we really head those warnings? stay backs I am not going to dispute the officials who are warning about the stick figures, but I’m not convinced just yet that they are as dangerous as some are making them out to be.  Sure, it’s another piece of privacy released out there in the open just as posting pictures of your house and family is online.  But someone putting a stick figure on their car to represent a love one in the service is not telling the world that that person is not always home for long periods of time.  Some are not ever deployed, and for the rest, how is that sticker telling anyone when they are going to be gone?  But………. I do know that the military is discussing with its service members  that due to the world today, that there is concern for themselves  and their families safety and that the less personal information out there the better. Common sense.  What happened to it?  We used to tell our children not to talk to strangers, not to leave school with anyone who didn’t know the “safe” word,  don’t give out your pass word and don’t tell people on line personal information.  But as parents are you communicating safety though your own behavior?  How much information are you giving out online? Next time you want to post that picture of your children playing in the yard, ask yourself why?  What is your true reason?  Yes, you’ll have all your friends “like” it.  That makes you feel good.  Who wouldn’t want to show their pride in their children.  In fact when we don’t get those “likes” we feel bad.  Many people experience a bit of low self esteem, hopefully, only briefly.   But why put a picture of your child online for the world to see every day.  Why post where you are and who you are with several times a week.  I can hear some of you saying to yourself “but I want everyone to know where I am, or I want everyone to see how beautiful my daughter is!”  OK but haven’t’ you already shown your social media family that in the hundred other pictures you’ve posted? “Well this one is new” or “she’s just so funny in this picture” or “I’m so proud of him”.   Do you really, truly know, personally, all 500+ friends you have on your  social media accounts?  I know, you trust them, you’ve “chatted” with them or they know some relative or friend of yours so you know they are safe.  Facebook has estimated that over 8% of their users are “fake”  Though they are trying to eliminate this, it’s there. Now, when you start saying those type of things to yourself, say them out loud as if your child was saying them to you.  What would you say to your child if they told you the very same thing?  What would you say to your child who is chatting with a “friend” they have never met about what they were going to spend their day during the summer while you went to work.  “Mom has to work so I’ll be hanging out here playing my X Box”.    “But mom, he’s not a stranger, I’ve been playing (you fill in the blank) on line game with him for the past two months”. And let’s review other safety factors. Are you changing your passwords as often as “experts” say you should?  Is it a difficult password?  Probably not on both accounts.  I’m guilty of it myself.  Now think of one of your pass words…………… I bet it’s not random letters and numbers.  If it is then good for you.  But more than likely it’s a birthday of a loved one, a family pet, sports team, school, etc and etc.  You get the picture?  You have probably already put that information up on line in some form.  Adding a few extra numbers isn’t something that hard to do for a hacker. Want to tell your friends you’re going to see the latest movie? Why not just wait and write a review after the movie.  You want them to know because they might want to go too?  OK, then call, email or text.  Does everyone need to know?  Want your family to see the latest pictures of your child?  Email them.  Or better yet, print the pictures, give them out for gifts. Privacy?  Think your safe because you’ve changed all of your social media sites to “private”.  Think again.  Those “experts” (who ever they are) have been telling us for years that NOTHING that is online is private.  NOTHING online goes away.  And every time one of those social media sites updates their program and sends you one of those “notices” about changes, it’s very possible your privacy setting gets changed.  So read those notices.  At the very least, go check your settings often. OK, I’m off to change my passwords and check my privacy settings. ????????????????????????????????????

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Keeping children safe online – 5 Steps

Childs Play Counseling Services:

Parents be a role model for online safety. Here are 5 short steps to helping your child stay safe online. Re posted from http://www.kidsmatter.edu

Originally posted on Mark Taylor Psychology:

Keeping children safe online – 5 Steps

Summary:
– start discussions with children about cyber-safety early, & ongoing
– make dialogue about cyber-safety part of daily life
– education: in particular about privacy settings & reporting mechanisms

5 Steps:
1. Talk about cyber safety and keep cyber safety dialogue going throughout their life
2. Monitor time online, particularly for younger children
3. Set house rules – What is okay; What is not okay; Time limits; Privacy & what information is okay to share online
4. Consider use of filters for potentially harmful materials that are available online
5. Model positive online behaviour to your children

Source: https://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/families/enewsletter/keeping-children-safe-online

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Summer is on it’s way!

Ah, summer.  It’s getting closer and the kids are getting excited and you’re trying to figure out what to do with them for those months.  You probably have a lot you want to accomplish this summer yourself.  Or maybe you don’t.  Maybe you all have plans on simply relaxing all summer.   But what does “relaxing” mean to you?   Before you let you children (and yourself) be a summer “couch potato” you should read about the benefits of day light and getting outside. Google it.  You’ll find lots of information.  In a “nut shell”,  in addition to the health benefits: exercise, increase in vitamin D, lower depression, increase quality of sleep, less weight gain,  etc., etc.,  it can also improve creativity, and cognitive functioning.  Research has shown that spending time outdoors can also increase attention span in children.

I’m sure by now you’ve heard or read about all the studies of the benefits of family time and its positive effects.  But let’s recap  in case you have forgot, spending quality time with family can help…..….improve communications  skills,  improve family cohesion,  improve relations,  improve academic performance and creates  happy memories.   So why not plan the summer making some happy memories with your children and while helping them stay physically and emotionally healthy.    So let’s go outside and play.

waterplay

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A therapist shares his thoughts on life…

A college of mine who is also an excellent writer shares his experiences and thoughts to help others achieve happiness and live your own “Thrive Life”.   From humorous to insightful look on life, goals and achieving your own happiness.   Check out his blog for some insightful and warming thoughts on life.

The Thrive Life

Connecting people with their best life possible. Are you living a Thrive Life?

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Friendship Skills for Children

Childs Play Counseling Services:

Good article on helping your children to develop social skills. Unfortunately, we are not born with social skills and they have to be taught and developed. We need to all work with our children (and sometimes ourselves) in improving our skills.

Originally posted on Lavelda Naylor:

A number of studies in recent decades have shown that appearance, personality type and ability impact on a child’s popularity at school. Good-looking, easy-going, talented kids usually win peer popularity polls but that doesn’t necessarily guarantee they will have friends. Those children and young people who develop strong friendships have a definite set of skills that help make them easy to like, easy to relate to and easy to play with.

kid_friends

1. Ability to share possessions and space
2. Keeping confidences and secrets
3. Offering to help
4. Accepting other’s mistakes
5. Being positive and enthusiastic
6. Starting a conversation
7. Winning and losing well
8. Listening to others
9. Starting and maintaining a conversation
10. Ignoring someone who is annoying you
11. Cooperating with others
12. Giving and receiving compliments

Friendships skills are generally developmental. That is, kids grow into these skills given exposure to different situations and with adult…

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What to do when your child lies

P7124787All parents want their children to tell the truth.  When our children lie to us, as parents, we often take it personally.  We worry that the behavior will become a pattern to be repeated again and again.  It often angers or frustrates parents.  Parents begin to worry if they can trust their child. When children lie parents often wonder “why?”  Often, parents will try to get the child to tell the truth.  As parents, why do we do this?  Do we think that by getting them to tell the truth will prevent future lies? Do we think that the same thing won’t happen again?

 First of all, lets look at the reason’s why a child may lie:

  1. To avoid possible punishment.  Who wants to get in trouble?  
  2. To get attention.  Some children learn that the more great and exciting the lie is, the more attention they seem to get.
  3. To gain control over a situation.  “He started it!”

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWhat can a parent do about it? First of all, as a parent, look into your own behavior. Remember that time you were in a hurry to get one child to their soccer game, another to gymnastics?  You might have been speeding a bit, or maybe you didn’t stop completely at that stop sign.  It may also be that you have known all week that one of your tail lights is out but you just haven’t had time to get it fixed this week due to the normal day to day activities of home, work, and family. You’ve talked about that burned out tail light with your spouse.  Your children have heard and know it’s out and that it needs to be fixed.  Do your children really care that it needs to be fixed?  Nope.  In their world, it doesn’t really effect them.  Speeding?  Depending on the child’s age, they are looking at the speed only because in their world they see those speed limit signs.  Hum, that must be a “rule” they think.  But your going over the “limit”. Of course, it’s probably only 5 MPH, or maybe only a little more over the limit.  They don’t  know the difference.  A rule is a rule.  That stop sign you didn’t stop fully at?  There is another “rule” to a small child who is learning that rules at home and school must be followed.  Haven’t they been told to follow the rules?  

As parents aren’t we constantly teaching our children “right from wrong”?  But, now, you have been pulled over for that same tail light that you’ve known all week needs fixed.  Or,  your in a hurry, being that good parent that you are and trying to get everyone where they need to be on time so your speeding.  

You tell the officer that you didn’t know the light was out but will take care of it as soon as possible.  Do you have intentions of getting it fixed?  Sure you do!  In your mind your going to take care of it tomorrow because you’ve been stopped and know it needs to be done.  Your even chastising  yourself because it hadn’t already been taken care of.  But you’ve just told the officer that you didn’t realize it was out.   Maybe you were pulled over for speeding.    You tell the officer you didn’t realize you were speeding, apologize and tell him you’ll slow down.  The officer gives you a warning, tells you to slow down.  Back on the road again, you realize that you still have to get everyone to their practices on time, now running more late……back to 5 or 6 miles over the speed limit. Little ears in the back seat….. always learning.  OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

How to deal with lies: First, question the child about the situation.  Do this once.  You then make a decision as to whether or not you are going to accept the child’s explanation.  Don’t continue to badger the child about what the truth is.  If there is a fair probability that the child is telling the truth, then take it as such and drop the issue.  If you know it’s not the truth then explain why you feel that way and punish the behavior which was lied about in the first place.  Don’t harp on the lie.  An example would be that if they broke something because they were playing rough in the house.  You simply tell them that you know they were playing rough, the end table wasn’t broke before that time and is now, so the item will have to be replaced, and they will need to work to help pay for part of the cost.   If you call the child a liar they will become defensive.  They will think, “I’m already accused of it so I might as well keep telling the lie”.

Oh, and the next time an officer pulls you over for speeding…. fess up.  If he gives you a ticket, deal with it.  If he doesn’t give you a ticket and only a warning you just taught the child the value of telling the truth.  

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From a parent’s prespective

Childs Play Counseling Services:

from a parent’s prespective

Originally posted on Being Special:

Virginia Bovell, Vice President of Ambitious about Autism, discusses how she first reacted to discovering her son Danny has autism 15 years ago.

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